Whisky Lullaby
by Sweetiepie78
Summary: A story about Ellie...
1. Default Chapter

**Whisky Lullaby.**

_second verse._

_The rumore flew_

_but nobody new_

_how much she _

_blamed herself_

_for years and years_

_she tried to hide the whisky _

_on her breath._

_She finally drank her_

_pain away_

_a little at a time_

_but she could not get drunk_

_enough to get him of her mind_

_until the night._

_She put the bottle to _

_her head and pulled the trigger_

_and finally drank away his memory_

_life is short but this time it was bigger_

_than the strangth she had to get up_

_on her knee's._

_We found her with her _

_face down on the pillow_

_clinging to his picture for dear life_

_we laid her next to him_

_beneath the willow_

_while the angels sang the whisky lullaby..._

_la la la la la_

_la la la la la la x7_

**Part 1.**

This was her life. Right? Why hadn't anyone seen the pain she was in for months? Life was terrible for her at home,but school was susposed to be her sancsuary where she could be with her friends,have fun and not live in her no good terrible life,where she could live in a fantasy for a day...

It wasn't fair. Why could Paige Michealchuk have the normal and perfect life? Why couldn't I? Why couln't I have the perfect boyfriend or a cute big brother who is attracted to my best friend? Sure,Sean used to be the best boyfriend,but now well...he isn't,and Ash well she was mostly with Paige and the "in" crowd. So what did I have left? My dad. They would talk over the phone or write to each other. He was the only thing in life that I had left and looked forward to each day.

Till one day...

Ashley had just ditched me for non other than Paige and them. So I looked forward to seeing Sean,he always made me feel so special whenever something bad happens to me,but when I saw him,he was all over Alex on the steps...

I didn't know what to do when I saw this. In one day I lost my best friend and my boyfriend. WOW. not. So i decided to ditch and go to the park to clear my mind and cry my poor eyes out. About 4 hours later I went home,to see my no for good mother passed out on the couch with an half full whisky bottle in her hand,hanging off the couch. When I was cleaning up the living room and throwing away her empty bottles,I talked to mom like nothing was wrong,like she wasn't a drunk and wasn't passed out. Then I noticed something between her and the couch. It was an envolope,I read it. As I scanned the lines, I started to cry,the message said that my dad had been shot and didn't make it.

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Do ya like?

This is my first time wirting a degrassi fanfic so please hold off on the flames!!

this gets really good when i get futher on in the chapters!!! please R&R!!!!


	2. chapter 2

A/N - okie dokey,tell me if its to short or to long,and also tell me if i rush it. well here's chapter 2!

Part 2

As I walked up to my room crying and re-reading the letter over and over again. How? How could this happen to me? What in life have I done? He was the only one left in my life thta kept me up and running. It say's that my dad's funeral will be held tomorrow night at 8 P.M.

The next at school,everyone seemed to know about it,since it was in the newspaper,and they all were apologizing to me. Today I didn't feel like telling of Ashley,or breaking up w/ Sean,so I played along,like I didn't know what was going on between us,and invited them to the funeral that night. Ashley of course invited Paige and them,Marco invited Dylan,and Sean invited his little group. As my mother acted like she wasn't a drunken fool,I lost it. I couldn't go and cry on my mom's shoulder or Sean's ( i was still mad at him ) so I went over talked to my dad's casket,kissed it,said "love you" and left. "What was I susposed to do now? I had nothing left in life." Those were my thoughts as I took a cold,cold,cold, shower.When i got out,I saw my mother of course drinking on the couch then pass out,with a whisky bottle in her hand. I hesitated at first,then i went over took the bottle and her other full one,then I went to my room.

I thought and thought. If I drank it,then i might feel better,but I also would be like my mother. After a few minutes of debating w/ my thoughts,I took a sip. At first it tasted awful and made me cough,but after awhile I got used to it and then it tasted really good.The next I new was that I woke up with a terrible head ache and a really bad stomach ache. I looked over and saw 2 empty whisky bottles on my computer desk.

A week passed,at school nothing got better,but I still had a fake smile on,no one new how much pain I was in,on the outside you never could tell how I felt,but on the inside I was hurting with pain.


	3. chapter 3

A/N- ok in this chapter it gets a little intense. A new person comes into view,but dont worry it's not a good thing.

Part 3

My mom never came home last night,I wonder why? Well today at school I saw Ashley and her "other" friends laughing at some joke that Spinner had told,then I saw Marco and Dylan holding hands and smiling,but wheres Sean? Well he also is with his friends laughing at something. How was everybody so happy? Why couldn't I have a friend to tell secrets to,to laugh with,or a boyfriend who didnt cheat on me,or a mother who wasn't a drunk,who had job for long than a month and who cared for her daughter and husband,and loved me like my dad did. Then it hit me,if I dont have anything left for me why go to school? And with that I left.

When I got home,I saw in my drive way a red truck. My dad had died last week and already my mom had another boyfriend? As I walked up to his truck to take a look through the window,I noticed that in his front seat there was a wedding certicate,saying that my mom had married a guy name John,John Ryne. How could she? How could my mom do this,to her,my poor dad up in heaven,and to _me_. As tears ran down my face,I decided to go on in and tell them off for being so stupid minded. When I walked in I saw a guy with dark black hair and a mustache smoking in a chair. "Who are _you_?" I said as I came in and slammed the door shut as hard as I could,waking up my mother that was passed out probally from drinking to much as usaulle."Elenore Nash how dare you come into this house slamming doors and yelling at your new father." she said that while popping open another new bottle."ex-exc-excuse me?" "You heard me Elenore now go to your room." i couldnt belive what I just heard. "NO MOM. YOUR SO STUPID. DAD DIED LAST WEEK. WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?" I finally let my anger out. I felt so much better and for about half of a second I was truly happy,then this jackass had to ruin my special moment,by making such a freakin fake couch to get my intension." What do you want?" I said looking at him in disgust.

"Im John,John Ryne. Now I know were took you by sup-" Just who does this dude think he is? Introducing himself to me,acting like nothing is wrong,if he takes one step closer to me I swear im gonna make him feel like he is the stupids thing on earth. " Look I dont CARE what You and My MOM did. MY DAD DIED LAST WEEK,MY MOM IS A NO FOR GOOD DRUNKEN PATHETIC FOOL,WHO HAS WENT OFF AND MARRIED SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO VERY PATHETIC AND STUPID FOR MARRING SOMEONE HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW. SO YOU DONT EVER TELL ME WHAT TOOK ME BY SUPRISE." I finally let some more anger off!!! I looked at him in disgust,rolled my eyes,and started to walk away till he grabbed my arm very tight and started to yell at me. " YOU BETTER NEVER EVER MENTION YOUR FATHER AROUND ME OR YOUR MOTHER EVER AGAIN,AND ALSO YOU BETTER NEVER INSULT YOUR MOTHER AGAIN. WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT IM YOUR FATHER NO-" Just who does he think he is? Yelling at me. HE never will be coming close to my father. "EXCUSE ME JOHN? I DONT THINK I HEARD YOU RIGHT. YOUR NOT MY FATHER AND YOU NEVER WILL BE. SO I SUG-." And with that I felt all the sudden a masive pain slash across my face knocking my against the wall,then again,then i heard john yelling at me.He had slapped me so hard I fell to the ground.

is this a little to dramatic?

there will only be about 2 mor chapters till im done.

the next will get better i promise.

please R&R!!!!


	4. chpt 4

Part 4.

i am so so so sorry i havent posted this in awhile...i hope you all forgive me...anyway here is the last and final part.

I hate him...I hate my mom and i hate everybody all around me. Why does my life have to suck so bad? Why does everybody have to talk bad about me behind my back..why does my boyfriend have to cheat on me? I mean ok maybe i have stolen something before and maybe i have lied to my parents but hey im a kid and i cant help it. My mom says that im the screw up of the family...im the one who needs to leave, well heres another little saying...she is the real screw up. I hate her. I hope she dies. I could care less that she is my mom but hey my dad died and she just re married this stupid pathetic jackass. So i guess thats why im the one who will end their life tonight. IF everybody hates me...thinks im a freak,thinks im a srew up..thinks im a terrible friend or girlfriend. I will just end my missery for me and everybody around me.

At school today i cried in the bathroom for hours...i had found pictures of me in ash when we were in grade 9. We were best friends. I wonder why people say God works in mysterious ways? Because there is no other way for him to work in my life. I hope that when i end my life that everybody is happy. Because i know i will be. I have my dad in heaven and soon i will be there.

When i got home from school i saw john ( aka the jackass) passed out in my favorite chair and my stupid pathetic mother passed out on the couch. My face had started to hurt when i thought about last night...he hit me. As i walked by i heard someone say something to me.

"go cook me something to eat." john said.

" gag me." i said.

" elenore do what i say." i heard him say.

" hmm no. your not my dad so SCREW YOU!!" i said and with that went upstairs.

When i got to my room i cried. I never wanted to end my lfie like this. never. But maybe this is what God wants..maybe he wants me up their with him and daddy. Now only a few hours till i end my life...im so scared. I have to write a note to everybody tell them why i did this, but first a poem to show how i feel.

_This is my tunnel of black despair_

_Trying to be what they want_

_Not that they even care_

_I'm hating every minute of it_

_They know it too_

_Nothing can get me out of this hole_

_There's nothing I can do_

_I know I have to do something_

_I know very well that I should_

_But it's so hard when they're around_

_Killing all that's good_

_The light of my life has gone away_

_Now that's the thing I lack_

_Now I know what I must do_

_I'll go and never come back..._

There it was.....maybe it was alittle to dramatic...hmm no. i thought.

well here is my final note.

_Dear all,_

_Im writing this so when you read this you will know that i am dead. I have had the worst life a girl could have. My best friend Ashley ditched me for the preps and witches...my boyfriend ditched me for Alex. My other best friend Marco was way to busy with his new boyfriend Dylan to even notcie my pain.......now or my mother i hope you rot in hell mom. i loved you. noticed i said **loved**. You made my lfie a living hell and because of you i ended my life. John Ryne, burn in hell too. I hate you all. There was a time in my life when my father was around and it was all good then...i hope that you all can understand that this is it. That im leavung and never coming back...and maybe one day form now when we all go to the place were we belong then i will see some of you.I just wanted to say that even though _

_none you of really cared about me..i hd feelings for you...but i guess i was just some freak .But for now im leaving and never coming back._

_yours truely,_

_ellie nash._

Ellie ended her life that night. John came up and found her body on her bed clanging to her dads picture...something werid though...in the picture it had ellie,her mom,and dad and this little kid...The funerl was on a friday night. Everybody from school was there and her family including her mom. The preacher had wanted somebody or a few people to come and say a few words...well he mom went first.

" Elenor was my daughter...as you all may know." she began. " I had no idea that she would ever think of doing this. She had always seemed so happy. I thought of how a wonderful daughter she was. i love her so much..." he mother began to cry. "my husband had to go and now my daughter...my son joesph left when he found out that elenor's dad wasnt his dad...so i have no family except so john. my new husband." she said that and then walked down. Ashley then got up with marco and sean and together they walked up to the microphone to say some words.

" Ellie was my best friend.." marco said. " we loved her...but i guess we never saw what she was going through.." he said..."i will miss her because if it wasnt for her then i never would have found out that im gay. and i will miss her like a little sister. " he said and tears rolled down his face.

" Ellie was like a sister to me...when my other friends ditched me in grade 9..she was there for me...i cant belive that her of all people would do something like this." ashley began to cry...jimmy had to come up and take her hand to lead her down back to where she was standing.

"well uhh...she was my girlfriend...i loved her and ever since our saturday detention i always have and will. She never cared what anyone thought of her. it was like she understood me, you know. it was like we were each other...i love you ellie.." he said while blowing a kiss to the coffen.

The funeral soon ended, everybody left except for her mother.

" come one honny...you need to go on home." john had said.

"no. im not going back there. im not going back to get passed out to get high to get drunk to go back with you. John yes i want a divorce. Im a jackass. I should have stopped drinking when ellie told me to...i was a terrible mother to my children and to my husband. So bye. its time for me to get my life on and start over form here. because one day i want ot be able to see my husband and my 2 children."


	5. epalogue

Thankyou all for the reveiws. I know this one was terrible,but my other one " what happened to us" is much more better....anyway here is an epilogue.(SP?)

1 year later.

Ellies mom had gotton into counceling,she soon divorced john,went back to college. She goes to church now.

ashley has forgotton about her friend ellie,but deep down she truely misses her.

sean still misses her truely,but has moved on.

marco is doing better but still cries alot of missing her.

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hope u all read my other stories.


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